Monday, June 15, 2009

Am I Nervous?

Everyone keeps asking me if I am nervous. I am not – at least not yet. I have been going through a weird process of putting my life in order. I feel like I have to have everything organized and complete just in case ... I really do think that everything will be fine, but I like to think that I live with no regrets. A surprising inner calm has come over me since I got the date; although you would not know it if you were around me manically trying to get things done before D-Day – Donate-Day, June 22.

I was approved for donation a couple of months ago. It was a very extensive process and I was very happy to be deemed healthy enough to donate. They asked me when I would like to have the surgery. That seemed strange to me - that I got to give the time of donation - within a range, of course. They said that the donor had a lot of say in what happened next. So I told them my preference was to do it over the summer because I teach at Johns Hopkins University in the spring and fall and wanted to sandwich this in between my classes.

As the days passed, I began to think that it was not going to happen this summer. And then, out of the blue, they called and asked if I was free on June 22. I did not even look at my calendar. I knew I would make myself available.

So suddenly I had a month to prepare to take off from a demanding job for up to six weeks and to arrange for someone to come and stay with me. Oh, did I say that I had my kitchen gutted a week before the call I was so sure the surgery would not happen?

But with all the activity, an inner peace has come over me. I am not sure where the calm is coming from. This certainly isn’t a calm event. Maybe it is because I am at peace with this decision. I hold the ability to save another's life or at least restore some of their health. The miracle of medicine. I don’t see how I could not do it.

Oh, just to prove that I am not just in denial - I had some tests run today and my blood pressure was 127/76 and my heart rate was 58. So biometrics support my sense of calm!

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